Home

Desperate Dan's Bar & Grill

Mowl

Member
Hello, one and all! This is Declan, your local friendly busker from Boston. I was actually born in Galway but they didn't like me over there so I gave up my diploma in civic engineering and became a bell-hop and chief bottle-washer in some sleazy Irish dive bars over here across the pond instead. People know me best as 'YoungDan' but I have to quit using that name because everyone knows I'm actually a Kelly, and a Deco to boot. And that I'm not Dan, nor am I young. I'm basically an old fart nearing sixty-five trying to act like a teenager and jaze but I love lying - or at least I used to until Mowl rumbled me and gave out my real name and location in me wife's wooden house with a tar-pitched roof over near the interstate off Dedham main Street.

I like to lie about being a millionaire. I like to lie about owning a chain of pubs. I like to lie also about me weight, me intelligence, me popularity, me millions in the bank, me big millionaire's gaff, and me fast cars. In reality, I live by my wife's good graces not to throw me out for being a fucking loser of epic proportions, and she feeds me once a day so I don't starve and end up on the streets in my woolly zipper-necks and sneakers.

It's a pain in the hole being on me own, I used to love pushing people around but now they all laugh at the mention of me name. Bastards. But at least I have Val to tell all about me wealth and me big mickey, me busking tips and me spud-peeling in Danny Whitey's Dive Bar. That Mowl's a right fucking cunt. he got the better of me in the end, but what he doesn't know is that me and Dengler are still tight, so I'm not finished just yet. I still have loads more lies to tell about my life, and I'll tell them all before Mowl finally consigns me to the toilet bowl of Boston life.

There's a pox on me house, sorry - me wife's house.

I'm such a fucking thick, what.


dansdeadthreadd6bf996e6a4e1b94.md.jpg
 
Why is he hiding his gold bullion in white Russian cocktails. Is that Dan's illfated attempt to set up a rival operation to Las Vegas.
 
OP
Mowl

Mowl

Member
He couldn't run a coffee stand. He talks a lot about his daily walks too: sets out after third breakfast, saunters down the road as though he's some Olympian and then hops on the bus and does a full circle before getting off again and running ten meters so he's out of breath when he enters the wife's house by the back door.

I think the Valzheimer's is setting in: he has seven socks on the go on Desperate Dan's Bar & Grill, and seems to get very confused as to who's who and and what he's trying to say. Sandra1 and Sandra7 are obviously the same person. Mick9 and Mike4 likewise. He's a silly old goat, isn't he?

Also, he clearly doesn't know the difference between bullion and bouillabaisse.

The fat gut's a dead giveaway.

fatdan3.md.jpg
 
Christ on a surfboard I think most of all it is the home decor that is the most appalling thing. Anytime I see a photo I can't help noticing that someone in a three bed semi in Cavan has been watching Grand Designs while pulling on the vodka bottle.

The room behind him looks like the home dressing room at Stamford Bridge.
 
Definitely civil or public service. He has that most boring voice in the world thing going on.
 
Loads went to America from my home area and all appear to have done well. My cousin Mark is one and he is back running a business in London and one in America (New York) . It is common for professionals to quit and follow another line.
 
I wish I could get into this wildlife spotting lark. But spying on Ant and Deco over there is a bit like watching two old fellas fiddling with themselves in the park.

Kind of revolting but better to just quietly move away because they've not much else to make them happy.
 
Have you ever quit and followed another line? That would make you not only a businessman but a professional one too.
 
Loads went to America from my home area and all appear to have done well. My cousin Mark is one and he is back running a business in London and one in America (New York) . It is common for professionals to quit and follow another line.

Would he be one of the Cavan Zuckerbergs? Or more from over Laois way?
 
Top Bottom